I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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