You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
