Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
