it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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