the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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