It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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