They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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