my vag is so smooth its legendary
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
