is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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