i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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