Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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