A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
