I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
