If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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