im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
