New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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