I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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