my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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