Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
