My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We are two peas in an std pod
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
