i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
