I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
