I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
