im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
