Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize