you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
