i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
