Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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