He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
