Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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