Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're so nebulous sometimes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
