but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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