I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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