I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
