It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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