I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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