My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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