I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
