operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
