Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
