I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
