I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
