My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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