I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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