Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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