We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
