I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
