Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
