The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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