All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You are a booty call, not a friend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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