The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
