just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
