if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
