i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
