Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
