maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
