I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
