Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
