I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
