Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i believe in u and ur pee
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