If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize