My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
