Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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