don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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