dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
