I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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