don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
