As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
