I think my fart just growled at me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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