When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
